THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS LIVEBLOG

Jopy and I are going to see this at 8:45 in Chapel Hill
It's some fancy theater I dunno

Joey do I need to wear sh
I'll be watching something good, The Founder, while you two are away
Paul it's North Carolina fancy
EMZ, big fan of the SEATTLE SOUNDERS glad you're keeping up with their season
Btw I was just in Seattle and it's definitely my least favorite place in America possibly Earth
But to be fair, they were playing THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS downtown at the Cinerama
Trying to think of a place I disliked as much and the closest I'm getting is Greenville, NC when I was stuck in some BBQ joint full of prostitutes in 2002.

Actually that was pretty cool Greenville is awesome
honestly have you been to America like 99% of it is much worse than seattle
Really fell for Southern California last week, though. Friendly people, flirty women and all the pineapples you could ever want to hit while driving down the freeway
would like to hear more about fate of t what paul hates about seattle
I dunno Seattle just pissed me off. It's ugly, not really diverse at all, the weather sucked, the traffic was almost D.C.-level intolerable, the people were mostly rude, everywhere we ate sucked and downtown was depressing as hell. I literally bumped into a guy in the process of injecting heroin into his arm right before an old dude holding a crack pipe called me a bunch of awful names for not giving him five bucks.

And their whole pride and joy right now is Macklemore and the Seahawks. Fuck Seattle.
And everyone is an outdoorsy type with either no money or shitloads of it. I hate camping and I couldn't give a shit about it. So yeah, not my kind of town.

Vancouver, though...
ANTHONY what do joey and I need to know going in
you don't like seeing the 12 flags everywhere?
just really focus on the rock/vin feud going into it, paul
joe's real salty about my not watching The Founder with him
I may save it, but only if you promise to actually watch it and not make me watch a bunch more Kendrick Lamar videos
I had to google what that 12 flag thing was
Tony how was the dialogue on this one
Why are Kendrick's videos always terrible
Little Yachty's sprite commercials on the other hand
I would think they'd have exhausted every three word sentence possible with the first seven
BTW Paul we'll be in ur area in late Sept
emz I'm psyched for your visit maybe we can hold FASTFEST '17 early
Joey maybe we can show up for this thing in themed costumes? I have uh some jeans and shirts
Paul I'll bring an extra wifebeater for you
wait it's a YEARLY thing?
I'm holding both of you to this tank theme
Joey to mark the occasion I'll be arriving in a SWEET RIDE (my dad's 2010 Honda Accord)

Maybe after we can head to the hills and dr
emz we celebrated FASTFEST '15 and FASTFEST '16 what did you think we were d
I must have blocked '15
FASTFEST '15 was a weeklong celebration of F&F how could you bl
am blam blam blam I sh
op around for the best pr
e-washed j
orts jorts jorts jorts jorts jorts j
ust 1h 45m until the movie
Getting psyched guys
exams, dialogue is actually better because of tyrese, the rock, and statham
oh shit is there an exam after the movie i'm not planning on paying attention that hard
Shit joey I'll bring the number 2 p
oops
:(
*emz
so I haven't been drinking but I was planning on sneaking whiskey into the movies but Paul told me he wasn't going to drink so now we are two men in their mid-30s watching a fast and furious movie while stone cold sober
this is going to be horrible
did sneak in some candy from HARRIS TEETER so it's not all bad
This is a really comfortable theater
Joey took the love seat, I'm in this awkward weird seat with no arm
There are like six people here
Joey and I just talking OJ while these ads play
More F&F fans arriving
Average age 12
Wolfed down some COOK OUT before meeting Joey and man it ain't sitting right
what are these kids doing here it's a school night
Joey chill they're FAMILY
these trailers are terrible, every movie looks stupid let's watch some F&F jfc
so much shit beforehand JUST SHOW THE MOVIE
Wow Tupac really looks like Tupac in this Tupac movie
Joey just went for a bathroom break
He left the AIR HEADS XTREMES BITES way on the other side so I couldn't have any
Some stupid movie about robots I dunno
I hate previews
Jopy back
These air heads pretty good actually
Oh shit Ryan Reynolds movie
Oh shit Salma Hayek
Paul is concerned that we are going to spoil this movie
SPOILERS AHEAD
SPOILER ALERT I wish I was drinking
All these trailers blow just get to the movie god damn it
This is def the most comfortable theater seat I've ever had
When I become homeless I know where to go now
joey I'm looking at the new netflix documentaries and you aren't here to steer me away from the ones I'll inevitably pick but really shouldn't watch
ol jack sparrow is back and he's up to his piratey hijinks, can't wait
ITS HAPPENING
HERE WE GO
I think we're in Cuba
Nailed it
oh hell yeah we're in Cuba and I'm feelin these jams
Sick vintage ride
Whoa some Cuban hotties
emz don't watch any docs about penguins or child murders, love u girl
All died in president trumps invasion
DOM
LETTIE
DOM AND LETTY
Oh shit trouble with doms cuZ
Dom teaching values
Kill him dom
Race about to go down
dom this guy has the fastest car on the island are you sure you want to race
I can't understand what anyone is saying
NOS ALERT
don is rippin apart this car like wreck-it-ralph
CUBAN NOS
Could use a little more Pitbull on this soundtrack tbh
Cuban chick underbutt
I guess I just assumed dom would be using HIS car in this race
I wish Fidel was alive to see this sick race sequence
could go for a cubano right now tbh, wonder if this theater has ham
COME ON DOM
WATCH OUT DOM
This is way more than the previously stated mile
Doms car is on fire, this is actually legit awesome
He is driving backwards and won the race
Thousands dead
Fuck You cuban dude
He won a little Cuban girl as a trophy
Dom is a nice cousin
This is already the stupidest movie in the franchise
Oh man slam cut to vin diesel just jerking off wtf
all the title graphics in these movies still look charmingly 2001
Two gay actors pretending to love each other
who is trying harder to seem straight in this scene
I'm uncomfortable watching this
Uh oh here comes doms downfall: CHARLIZE
Should dom get letty pregnant or just pound a shitload of Cuban twinks, tough call
Oh shit
They did a great job making one of the most beautiful women in the world look horrible
Do they call it "Cuban coffee" in Cuba 🇨🇺
Oh no what's on the phone
WHAT WAS ON THE PHONE
THE ROCK ALERT
Didn't catch where we are now
hey dudes how was the movie
smash cut to the rock giving a pep talk to his balls
I saw this joke coming
Why do they keep pretending the rock is Polynesian isn't he just some black dude from like Texas
these soccer girls are doing the New Zealand rugby thing, why are the refs allowing this wtf
YEAH FUCK YOU LITTLE WHITE GIRLS
The rock is a hit with the single moms
Oh shit missing wmds
I think this is in Cary
why is the rock sweating so much coaching a girls soccer team
The rock's name is "Luke"?
Oh man dom is going to have to betray the FAMILY
Slam cut to the FAMILY fucking shit up in Berlin
glad this hacker chick is back FAMILY
letty knows something's up
I can't believe my eyes it appears dom is turning his back on FAMILY
I thought some lady went to complain about our phones
Who the fuck is this British chick
Tyrese is funny
Tyrese is golden
Is this clints kid
Who's is this Efron knockoff with Kurt Russell
The rock doesn't like when you talk about his daughter
I don't even
The rock is really good in these movies
oh shit he did not just call the rock a wanker
Prison has really mellowed statham out
Oh shit it's this ginger balls game of throne guys and he's working with charlize
Does everyone on Charlize's team have to have stupid hair
Not vin
The rock really showing off
hell yeah the rock tore off the sleeves of his prison jumpsuit
OH SHIT PRISON RIOT
Pretty psyched to see one of these movies stage a prison riot set piece
rock just murdered a dude and then called him a bitch
Rock is throwing people at each other
That was fucking rad
Ludacris keep it in your pants!
CIPHER
Oh no Charlize has the cyber capability of a 15 year old Russian hacker
Basically they just googled where is dom
oh shit some serious hacking going on here
Is baby shit green or was the rock just taking liberties creatively
oh shit THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE H
it can def be green
how many layers of spanx is vin diesel wearing in this movie
Lettie I'm so sorry
oh shit he just drenched Charlize, letty is not gonna like this
Dom what are you thinking bro
Is the rock wearing jeans with a chain wallet wtf
Yeah you can't really bring Brian into this
It's uh
Who is that
Who the fuck is this
Charlize has kidnapped that Brazilian cop lady
Joey help me out here
Oh I thought she died
uh oh did dom knock this lady up wtffffff
Man I thought it would be MIA
it's ok HE THOUGHT LETTY WAS DEAD
But she's prob on tour
Name him BRAZILIAN NOS
Dom crying
really missing HAN right now
Charlize chill out wtf
Han would know what to do here
Vin diesel oscar reel
I hate the bearded dude hope THE ROCK gets him
None of what Kurt russel is saying here is accurate
Oh shit going to NEW YORK
Guys we're very close to my apt
Oh shit dream garage
I should go check this place out one weekend
oh hell yeah some cool cars
Charlize's on screen locator is way off
oh shit slick move dom
Is that the queen
I don't know who this woman is. Helen mirren? For an acclaimed British actress her cockney accent is awful
Paul it's queen elizab
THE ROCK AND STATHAM BONDING
The only thing LUDACRIS is how they're portraying dom going crosstown quickly
JOPY GONE
Oh shit Charlize hacking cars
oh shit DRONE CARS
I was gone for 2 minutes to get a refill of COKE ZERO and I have no idea what's going on
A lot of geographic inconsistencies here
idk who these Russians are but they fucked
uh oh they have nuclear launch codes and dom is robo-sawing into their car
TEAM CONFRONTING DOM
lol dom drops a 7 story scaffolding on these fools
LETTIE DOM MOMENT
NOS
HARPOONS
THE TEAM HAS DOM
NOS
REAL LETTIE DOM MOMEBT
Moment. Pardon me
Lettie keep it together
Damn dom killed statham
are we really supposed to believe statham is dead
Oh but the British lady he's prob alive it's cool
uh oh Charlize gonna hurt lil dom, no respect for FAMILY
Joey is this baby talk realistic
Damn the Brazilian cop
It's on now
wtf they just executed the Brazilian lady how is this PG-13
do they have a cafeteria on this plane, there are a lot of thugs and I bet they get very hungry
SHUT UP CHARLIZE YOURE A JERK
easy Paul it's gonna be ok
Oh great Charlize with the fuckin SJW speech save it snowflake
would I look good with Charlize's hair in this movie
Dwayne still rocking this chain wallet
Tyrese, Luda break it up guys
Would I look cool with a chain wallet
Joey extreme makeovers bro
TEAM IN RUSSIA
god damn some sick ass rides in this Russian naval base
Tyrese is delirious
Or referring to his penis
DOM SIGHTING
AMERICAN MUSCLE IN RUSSIA BABY
oh shit dom hit em with the EMP
Why are we here again
how did they kill all electronics in the sub but now they're controlling it remotely
uh Paul they have the nuclear launch codes BRO
Man I don't even know what's going on
Many of these things cannot be controlled remotely
Is ludacris on a blackberry
damn that Russian dude got fucked up in that propeller huh
Oh shit nuke enabled
Oh shit driving on the ice I like this
how are these hackers all naval experts now
and doesn't a submarine need a crew of thousands of people
Omg how long is this movie
Oh shit snowmobiles
TYRESE
Tyrese suffering from extreme hypothermia, will probably lose all fingers and toes
Holy shit tyrese just murked the snowmobile dudes
still able to fire a pistol with pinpoint accuracy
STATHAM ALIVE
STATHAM
BRAZILIAN DUDES
OH SHIT THE BRAZILIAN DUDES WERE IN ON IT
RANDOM CUBAN DUDE IS FAMILY NOW
The brits believe in FAMILY
No signal, god dammit dom why didn't you upgrade from this cricket wireless bullshit
dom fucked up that gingerballs
DOMS BACK
Statham fighting while holding this baby reminds me a lot of me trying to get through Target with one of the kids
Oh shit torpedoes
The rock just guided a torpedo with his hand
Statham making a poop joke at the expense of the man he just murdered
lol did the baby poop? Reminds me of Targ
OH SHIT SUBMARINE
torpedo sequence was A++
God will this movie just end already
is there a gas station somewhere on this sheet of ice
THE HEATSEEKER is also what dom calls his penis
I wonder if we could rent out this theater for fastfest next year
Ok well none of that was thermally survivable. Also isn't there a nuke on the sub he just blew up
lol doms necklace was a tracking device
Wtf we don't even get to see Charlize get killed this is bullshit
Guys slick montage to cool us all down
Oh shit the FAMILY relaxing at a rooftop apt ostensibly near my office
Everyone just shut up and end this movie
love this leather vest on hobbs
Charlize spotted in Athens get ready for FAST 9
where do these humans live
Glad the BBQ is fully stocked with COCA COLA products
Wish Brian and Mia could be at this relaxing gathering
well we just saved the world let's crack a few DASANIS
ROLL THE FUCKING CREDITS I'm so tired
Dom ending message about FAMILY
tyrese eyeing these ribs like how long we gonna talk about family
Baby named after Brian
Thank god
's dog
Shitty fake drake song for the credits
Alright I have to go home thanks to JOPY for putting this together
I knew dom would never turn his back on family
When jopy pulled out of the movie theater lot and then I pulled out of the movie theater lot, it felt like we were mobilizing to go get DOM
Then I stopped at Wendy's and ate some fries in my car just like DOM
i was in bed in less than 10 minutes after that
i feel like there was a bunch of tyrese in this. right?
also, what did emz end up watching?
also, i'm proud of you guys for being on your phones in a movie theater.
Anthony it felt wrong but we had to do it

Just like the predicament DOM was in
Also I could have used a bit less tyrese
very happy with the level of tyrese here but sorely missed HAN

also man pretty rough exit for brazilian cop lady
really hope this blu-ray comes out before FASTFEST 17
also really want to fly everyone out and rent out a theater for FASTFEST 17
not gonna lie, i fall in the #justiceforhan camp
won't doing a fast fest every year ruin our lives and the lives of the people around us?
asking for a fr
ast and frurious
FRAMILY
TS a documentary on competitive endurance tickling
EXCITING NEWS
been thinking a lot about F8
Joey do tell what's on your m
uscle (american)
joey did you download the free amazon f8 of the furious pre-order "family" app, which includes deleted scenes of vin and the rock just hugging it out?
no
🌮🌯
I now pronounce you car and wife

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