Tribe's All-Natural 40 Spices hummus is the SHIT, people.
Get it.
I'm eating it with carrots. Broccoli is also good.
DELICIOUS.
Get it.
I'm eating it with carrots. Broccoli is also good.
DELICIOUS.
TRIBE HUMMUS
what store(s) carry it? is this ny only? i bet it's ny only.
I have no idea. Seems like it would be national though*.
*- pure conjecture
*- pure conjecture
Hummus has been the subject of a number of recalls by the FDA of Britain and the United States. In 1997 the Food and Drug Administration of the United States issued a recall for 'Tribe of Two Sheiks' hummus and Baba Ganouch products possibly contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes [2] In February 2007 some UK supermarkets recalled certain hummus brands after the Marks and Spencer company found traces of JERFF BEARD JERFF BEARD JERFF BEARD JERFF BEARD J [3].
co-sign i loved The Low-End Theory
yeah where do you get that? is it at trade fair, c-town, or associated? if it's at trade fair, i won't do it. they have a big fat checkout guy who works the night shifts and he's a total dick.
there's a bad-as-fuck food emporium within walking distance of 59th-Lex, i think it's at 58th and 1st ave. it's built into the support structure of the qboro bridge and has all sorts of great shit. i plan to go there all the time to get my groceries but i always end up ordering plantains from the chinese restaurant and crying softly in my room. i've said too m
Trade Fair-- it's across from the deli counter.
you fellas think there's really 40 spices in that there hummus?
i wonder
golly, that'd be a lot of spices
i wonder
golly, that'd be a lot of spices
secret hobo spices
EAT YR FRIES EAT EM
the size and quality of that is genuinely disturbing
it really is high quality innit
okay, so after waiting 20 minutes to buy 4 liters of diet cherry pepsi and a bag of beef jerky, i'm feeling particularly "inspired", so in the following posts i'm gonna break down what it's like to go grocery shopping in astoria and offer my thoughts. and yes, i said diet cherry pepsi...it's okay, i'm comfortable with my gayness.
what's so gay about buying my favorite drink?
TRADE FAIR:
trade fair is a bit cramped, as in literally the size of a shoebox. for those on the left coast, imagine a full-on grocery store mushed into the size of a 7-eleven. the aisles are 3 feet wide (no exaggeration), and shit is stacked to the ceiling. it's cool tho, except if you decide to go shopping during normal shopping ours, in which case there are 150 people also jammed into this closet of a grocery store. and they have brought their kids...oh how they've EVER brought their kids. 25% of the people jammed into this tiny fucking hellhole are below the age of 10, and happy as a clam that they got to attend this magic wonderland. 5 checkout counters are chock-a-block full of people in line (all with a grocery cart overflowing with their purchases), and there's absolutely no place to stand in line that isn't in the way of someone trying to crawl their way to the frozen food aisle.
as if this isn't enough of a joyride, as you wait in line you're treated to the spectacle of every customer disputing the price of every fucking item they purchase. "wait a sec, those aren't supposed to be taxed. your sign says that's $2.35 instead of $2.40. are you really gonna bag those together? my bread'll get fucked up. what do you mean this is an express lane?" awesome. even awesomer is the fact that not a single checker understands a lick of what these questions mean. not a word of it. you can literally hear the benny hill music playing as one of these checkout people has to explain that the credit card in question is being declined. oh wait a minute, i mean you COULD hear the benny hill music playing, except for the fact that gloria estefan is being played 24/7 in this establishment...loudly. kudos to trade fair management, they know exactly what music is required to really capture the ambience of an unforgettable shopping experience.
trade fair is a bit cramped, as in literally the size of a shoebox. for those on the left coast, imagine a full-on grocery store mushed into the size of a 7-eleven. the aisles are 3 feet wide (no exaggeration), and shit is stacked to the ceiling. it's cool tho, except if you decide to go shopping during normal shopping ours, in which case there are 150 people also jammed into this closet of a grocery store. and they have brought their kids...oh how they've EVER brought their kids. 25% of the people jammed into this tiny fucking hellhole are below the age of 10, and happy as a clam that they got to attend this magic wonderland. 5 checkout counters are chock-a-block full of people in line (all with a grocery cart overflowing with their purchases), and there's absolutely no place to stand in line that isn't in the way of someone trying to crawl their way to the frozen food aisle.
as if this isn't enough of a joyride, as you wait in line you're treated to the spectacle of every customer disputing the price of every fucking item they purchase. "wait a sec, those aren't supposed to be taxed. your sign says that's $2.35 instead of $2.40. are you really gonna bag those together? my bread'll get fucked up. what do you mean this is an express lane?" awesome. even awesomer is the fact that not a single checker understands a lick of what these questions mean. not a word of it. you can literally hear the benny hill music playing as one of these checkout people has to explain that the credit card in question is being declined. oh wait a minute, i mean you COULD hear the benny hill music playing, except for the fact that gloria estefan is being played 24/7 in this establishment...loudly. kudos to trade fair management, they know exactly what music is required to really capture the ambience of an unforgettable shopping experience.
BUT BRIAN (a Trade Fair rebuttal):
they have dope whole wheat pitas, 2/$1. they're hidden, though, on a shelf by the floor over in that weird deli nook, next to that weird corner where they keep like ostrich balls and other ethnic stuff.
otherwise i agree with your summation entirely. except when i go, jon secada is always playing. always.
59th street bridgemarket. you will be bowled over. the place looks like fucking grocery store heaven.
and FWIW c-town on broadway also sucks balls. where was that associated you mentioned?
they have dope whole wheat pitas, 2/$1. they're hidden, though, on a shelf by the floor over in that weird deli nook, next to that weird corner where they keep like ostrich balls and other ethnic stuff.
otherwise i agree with your summation entirely. except when i go, jon secada is always playing. always.
59th street bridgemarket. you will be bowled over. the place looks like fucking grocery store heaven.
and FWIW c-town on broadway also sucks balls. where was that associated you mentioned?
ASSOCIATED:
associated is a lot like trade fair, except it's in a big boy size. in fact, i'm fairly certain that it's the only regular sized grocery store i've ever been to in new york, which is a godsend. amazingly, this establishment also has decent selection, and national name brands (unlike the utz & wize potato chips that are staples everywhere else). the frozen food aisle has some good highlights, and paper products are actually easy to shop for (they're 6 inches from the ceiling at trade fair).
the major knock on associated...the olds. granted, i'm sure building a grocery store across the street from a retirement home is a great business decision, but for those of us born after wwii, it makes shopping an agonizing process. it's kinda similar to the price disputers of trade fair, except that these people are so flabbergasted that the 16 year old behind the register is questioning their authority, that they're gonna raise holy living hell, youbetterbelieveitmister. every time an old bastard buys a dozen eggs thinking it costs what the half dozen carton costs, you better believe management is gonna have to be involved.
a couple more observations...associated doesn't make a great effort to keep its shelves stocked. it's really 50/50 if they're gonna have what you want, and empty spaces litter the shelves of the store. in fact, i'm pretty sure they only order chips & soda once a quarter. oddly enough, however, ensure and geritol are always in stock.
apparently this associated also has had problems with cold-cut theft, because when ordering lunch meat from the deli, they won't give it to you. they hand you a number, and you have to give it to the checker, who then must walk across the store to retrieve your meat. inevitably, the geriatric in front of you does this, and inevitably he thinks they weighed his pimento loaf wrong (see paragraph #2).
associated is a lot like trade fair, except it's in a big boy size. in fact, i'm fairly certain that it's the only regular sized grocery store i've ever been to in new york, which is a godsend. amazingly, this establishment also has decent selection, and national name brands (unlike the utz & wize potato chips that are staples everywhere else). the frozen food aisle has some good highlights, and paper products are actually easy to shop for (they're 6 inches from the ceiling at trade fair).
the major knock on associated...the olds. granted, i'm sure building a grocery store across the street from a retirement home is a great business decision, but for those of us born after wwii, it makes shopping an agonizing process. it's kinda similar to the price disputers of trade fair, except that these people are so flabbergasted that the 16 year old behind the register is questioning their authority, that they're gonna raise holy living hell, youbetterbelieveitmister. every time an old bastard buys a dozen eggs thinking it costs what the half dozen carton costs, you better believe management is gonna have to be involved.
a couple more observations...associated doesn't make a great effort to keep its shelves stocked. it's really 50/50 if they're gonna have what you want, and empty spaces litter the shelves of the store. in fact, i'm pretty sure they only order chips & soda once a quarter. oddly enough, however, ensure and geritol are always in stock.
apparently this associated also has had problems with cold-cut theft, because when ordering lunch meat from the deli, they won't give it to you. they hand you a number, and you have to give it to the checker, who then must walk across the store to retrieve your meat. inevitably, the geriatric in front of you does this, and inevitably he thinks they weighed his pimento loaf wrong (see paragraph #2).
C-TOWN:
or as i like to call it, "closed town". it's actually not a bad grocery store (by astoria's miserably low standards, that is), except that whenever i go there, it's never fucking open. i think their hours are m-f 4pm-415pm. okay, that's an exaggeration, but seriously, about half the time i try to go there it's closed.
this location also suffers from the trade fair "incredibly small" syndrome. it's really tight in those aisles, and some dumbass always, ALWAYS decides to park their cart perpendicular to the aisle, thereby preventing all traffic from flowing.
otherwise, not a bad selection of cheeses, produce & meats. good luck trying to get any soda or snack food tho, and unless you're a fan of goya brand canned foods, you ain't gonna have much luck getting soup, canned vegetables, chili, chef boyardee, or anything else you need.
oh yeah, it's also really wierd to have one of those self-service credit card swipers, but then need the checkout guy to lean way over and type in the cost & and approval code for you. someone didn't think that all the way through. and, by the way, the checkout clerks there HATE you. they hate you with every fiber of their soul. if you've ever shopped there, you know what i mean.
or as i like to call it, "closed town". it's actually not a bad grocery store (by astoria's miserably low standards, that is), except that whenever i go there, it's never fucking open. i think their hours are m-f 4pm-415pm. okay, that's an exaggeration, but seriously, about half the time i try to go there it's closed.
this location also suffers from the trade fair "incredibly small" syndrome. it's really tight in those aisles, and some dumbass always, ALWAYS decides to park their cart perpendicular to the aisle, thereby preventing all traffic from flowing.
otherwise, not a bad selection of cheeses, produce & meats. good luck trying to get any soda or snack food tho, and unless you're a fan of goya brand canned foods, you ain't gonna have much luck getting soup, canned vegetables, chili, chef boyardee, or anything else you need.
oh yeah, it's also really wierd to have one of those self-service credit card swipers, but then need the checkout guy to lean way over and type in the cost & and approval code for you. someone didn't think that all the way through. and, by the way, the checkout clerks there HATE you. they hate you with every fiber of their soul. if you've ever shopped there, you know what i mean.
You get the hummus?
It's good right?
It's good right?
COSTCO:
costco in NY is like communism, it's really great in theory, and it sounds like such a great idea. my girlfriend and i were completely overjoyed at being so close to a costco, and shelled out the membership fee as soon as we possibly could. hell, it was a fucking recreational outing when we went to costco the first time.
i mean, here after all the misery we'd been through, was a giant mecca of a grocery store...no, a WHOLESALE grocery store. even better, right? we get to buy all the good normal foods we remember that you can't find in any of the local grocery stores, and what's more, we get to buy a whole fuckin lot of em. it's a little bit of a walk (bout a half-mile), but totally worth it. i was salivating over the proposition of 5 lbs of smoked sausage or haribo gummy bears.
one thing we forgot tho, we're in fucking NYC, so we don't have a car. not only that, costco gives you no bagging implement in which to store your long sought-after, newly bought goods. have you ever tried to carry 10lbs of chicken nuggets, a 40 pack of power bars, and a gallon of yellow mustard along with numerous other bulk grocery items. it just doesn't work. so then your only alternative is to get a ride with one of the shady people offering car service out of their '85 chevy astro-van (which smells like child-rape). they charge you $10 for the privilege, of course, and the seediness of their presence makes you wanna take a shower immediately. minor price to pay, i guess, except that knowing your groceries have been in the back of this horribly disgusting van...you don't want them anymore.
so basically, me & adrienne payed over $100 to have a place that we can buy 12-packs of underwear & socks. yay.
costco in NY is like communism, it's really great in theory, and it sounds like such a great idea. my girlfriend and i were completely overjoyed at being so close to a costco, and shelled out the membership fee as soon as we possibly could. hell, it was a fucking recreational outing when we went to costco the first time.
i mean, here after all the misery we'd been through, was a giant mecca of a grocery store...no, a WHOLESALE grocery store. even better, right? we get to buy all the good normal foods we remember that you can't find in any of the local grocery stores, and what's more, we get to buy a whole fuckin lot of em. it's a little bit of a walk (bout a half-mile), but totally worth it. i was salivating over the proposition of 5 lbs of smoked sausage or haribo gummy bears.
one thing we forgot tho, we're in fucking NYC, so we don't have a car. not only that, costco gives you no bagging implement in which to store your long sought-after, newly bought goods. have you ever tried to carry 10lbs of chicken nuggets, a 40 pack of power bars, and a gallon of yellow mustard along with numerous other bulk grocery items. it just doesn't work. so then your only alternative is to get a ride with one of the shady people offering car service out of their '85 chevy astro-van (which smells like child-rape). they charge you $10 for the privilege, of course, and the seediness of their presence makes you wanna take a shower immediately. minor price to pay, i guess, except that knowing your groceries have been in the back of this horribly disgusting van...you don't want them anymore.
so basically, me & adrienne payed over $100 to have a place that we can buy 12-packs of underwear & socks. yay.
do key foods next
that's about it. the local astorians can weigh in with their experiences and let me know if my descriptions were accurate at all. you west coast people don't know how good you have it.
KEY FOODS:
i never go there. it's too far. i hear it sucks.
i never go there. it's too far. i hear it sucks.
LA: there are grocery stores everywhere, with the widest aisles you ever saw, and if it looks like you're going to wait in line for more than 5 minutes, the manager will make one the many middle-aged (career) employees open up a new lane for you.
also, is it weird that i LIKE ramen noodles? only sometimes, but is it weird that i LIKE eating them?
(post 729)
(post 729)
also: you can buy good wine for $2/bottle (doesn't even rise with inflation)
is it true that in LA the grocery stores only sell milk that came from supermodels' breasts?
yes, but it's significantly more than $2/bottle.
maybe i wasn't being clear: sometimes i LOOK FORWARD to eating ramen noodle soup.
when i lived on 35th st and 34th avenue they were just about to open the bravo international supermarket. i haven't been in there but the few times i've walked by it looks well-stocked, brightly lit and fairly clean. might be worth a gander. i'm still pissed that they tore down my favorite bar in the outer boroughs to build it, though.
there's a c-town on 30th avenue one block east of steinway that's pretty nice too but that's too far a walk with groceries for us bway station ilk.
never been to costco but there used to be a super-scary walking path behind it right by the riverside where at night even i thought i was going to get ass raped. now they've widened it and put lots of lights and security cameras and shit so people don't get scared. lame.
brian when our new roommate moves in and we have access to his car we will take you to fairway on the upper west side. there you can bask in grocery madness. we'll even stop by zabar's for gourmet shit. it will be the 2007 NYC OMGTRU GROCERY RAMPAGE. it will be awesome until i accidentally drive off the qboro bridge ramp and we all plunge into the east river and MAYES drowns.
sorry MAYES. oh btw key foods is probably the worst grocery store in existance in the world, to answer your question, although i'm speaking from having shopped at the one on 90th and 2nd in the city. i'm sure the astoria one is much much worse.
there's a c-town on 30th avenue one block east of steinway that's pretty nice too but that's too far a walk with groceries for us bway station ilk.
never been to costco but there used to be a super-scary walking path behind it right by the riverside where at night even i thought i was going to get ass raped. now they've widened it and put lots of lights and security cameras and shit so people don't get scared. lame.
brian when our new roommate moves in and we have access to his car we will take you to fairway on the upper west side. there you can bask in grocery madness. we'll even stop by zabar's for gourmet shit. it will be the 2007 NYC OMGTRU GROCERY RAMPAGE. it will be awesome until i accidentally drive off the qboro bridge ramp and we all plunge into the east river and MAYES drowns.
sorry MAYES. oh btw key foods is probably the worst grocery store in existance in the world, to answer your question, although i'm speaking from having shopped at the one on 90th and 2nd in the city. i'm sure the astoria one is much much worse.
key foods is my jam
you can buy a frozen pizza with the topping of your choice
you can buy a frozen pizza with the topping of your choice
2007 NYC OMGTRU GROCERY RAMPAGE. i've marked the calendar, dude. and if you supply the ride, i'll use my credentials to get you into the most exclusive club in new york...the costco wholesale club!
squares you wanna walk to trader joe's and just buy all kinds of delicious stuff with ease?
squares and joey you guys wanna die in a horrific earthquake/brush fire/riot/gang shootout?
9/11
yep. 9/11.
NOT OUR FAULT
i rate cities based on the cleanliness of its hookers and homeless.
havin' given money to both in both cities, i would have to say i like l.a. better. cuz hookers and homeless in new york give me the NYPD blues. :(
havin' given money to both in both cities, i would have to say i like l.a. better. cuz hookers and homeless in new york give me the NYPD blues. :(