paul at sonic: garfield would have fucked nermal if it was a female
paul at sonic: he soiled arlene
paul at sonic: he takes what is rightfully his
rbx6jm: no way du
paul at sonic: FUCK
paul at sonic: i have no idea why i just typed that

rbx6jm: sounds like an indy band
rbx6jm: the phil jackson scenario
paul at sonic: the phil jackson scenario
paul at sonic: rick fox on theramin
rbx6jm: indie*
rbx6jm: excuse
rbx6jm: me
paul at sonic: shaq on thera flu
rbx6jm: shaq flu
rbx6jm: good game
paul at sonic: haha

Paul: makes you feel like you just smoked a "jumbo"
care for a taco
me: YAYAYAYAYAYAYA
u holdin?
Paul: depends
who u wit
me: lonebot
Paul: nah
nah b
me: gimme gimme taco treatment
Paul: i can't help you
WE REPRESNET THE MAYES GANG
me: YYYYYYYYY?
Paul: put your hands together for TACO
me: I willn't
Paul: Chingy's new hit single "Pullin' ME Back" feat. Tyrese
can we have tacos for dinner
me: ni
Paul: why not
me: out of cornpaste
Paul: i would like tacos for dinner
me: nigh
Paul: we could order from los portales or la espiga or el mariachi or st. james or fresco tortilla or to
me: nrep
me: I'm cooking vaginal paste with stilted snail blood
you'll love it
Paul: doubt it
i'd rather have a taco

me: YOU MAD
ROG GOTCJA
Paul: ALERT: my new rap name is "Raj Gotcha"
i rap about word puzzles
and prawns biryani
(its an indian dish)
me: Ima get up in some women tonight like Barry Sanders
CUT AND RUN
Paul: you should do more like barry reese
me: NO
more like Barry Switzer
Ima COACH the pussy
Paul: you should fuk dem bitchez like judge lance ito
BRUNGIN IT VAK
me: Ima blaze like Marcia Clark at the post trial interviews
Paul: NY1 REPORTER JUSS BLAZE ON THE SCENE WITH DA CAL ON HIM
me: NY1 REPORTER CAMRAN OFF THE SCENE OOOOOOHHHHHH DAG
Paul: u mad doge
NY1 REPORTER DOUG E FRESH CAUGHT WITH HIS PANTS DOWN
me: NY1'S OWN 50 CENT IS ON THE SCENES WITH VOCAL AND RnB COACH PAUL NAIR
Paul: jeff i just had a vision
tonight, you are going to meet and have sex with a girl from france. she will be very attractive. but she will smell terrible
true story
me: i'm down
Paul: don't ask me how i know
i just had a vision
me: nice
Paul: wanna come to a pretty kickin party with free booze and djs/
?
me: yes
Paul: it's in my imagination and it starts whenever
me: PHUCK
Paul: but i think i'll head over around 10
me: yeah yeah
im in


weird thing is... I hooked up with a polish girl that night
thumbs


WOAH

tonysquares: lol that little long haired kid was crying

paul at sonic: you ever have that dream where you walk through the red door and its a giant room with hundreds of women squatting and shitting on newspapers and "i think we're alone now" by tiffany is blaring
rbx6jm: that's not a dream that's the viper room on 44th and 7th

darryl: yeah strip club
me: huh?
darryl: beards show
me: indeed
me: wait, what?

paul at sonic: incredible oceans of rich country bread
rbx6jm: ya
rbx6jm: delicious warm buttery waves
paul at sonic: going on safari in forests of rich country bread and blowing holes into them with my elephant gun
rbx6jm: gravy bullets
paul at sonic: cities of rich country bread, skyscrapers stretch I'm losing my goddamn mind back here

me: taco?
Need one?
I'm starting a taco drive for veterans
kathleenkelley: jesus please
i need a taco
me: Oh, wait...
too many veterans
THEY'RE SO OLD AND HUNGRY
kathleenkelley: i am so old jeff
so old and hungry
me: huh?
wait
are you trying to say you are a veteran?
I'll mail you a taco then



me: It will be 4-6 weeks on that taco
3:51 PM kathleenkelley: fuck
me: Sign here please _________________________
kathleenkelley: KKKKKKKKKKKK
me: sorry
no racists allowed
or aloud

paul at sonic: got any spare socks
paul at sonic: the ones i got suck
paul at sonic: all my good ones are in the laundrette
rbx6jm: only wearing 3 pairs today
paul at sonic: gime some socks
rbx6jm: can't spare a square
paul at sonic: guess i'll buy some socks at lunch
rbx6jm: soxx, inc. on 398th
paul at sonic: can't say i really condone such a thing
paul at sonic: lunch is for eating not buying socks
paul at sonic: i could get a good pair of socks
paul at sonic: if i go down to 17th st to the banana republic
paul at sonic: although i could also buy some cheap socks in bulk at burlington coat factory on sixth ave
paul at sonic: does h&m have socks?
paul at sonic: this is what my life has become
rbx6jm: SOXXXXXXX

me: Urkel died last night
Paul: damn homey its like 60 degrees outside
me: I know
Paul: motherfucker man
me: sad about Urkel
tho
Paul: wtf u talking about
me: jaleel white
deader than shit
Paul: no he isn't
me: yeah huh
check out smurfballs.vomit
it's all there
dead
Paul: checkout LICKMYBALLS.PLEASE/DOIT
me: oh, I've seen it, bruh
Paul: my boss is friends with jaleel white
thumbs
me: I like rickmybails.jap/aids
Paul: if he really died it would be a sad day in the office

me: wheres my new issue of Teen Pole magazine
Jeff: PAUL

me: i never met this kid but they tell me he died in a traffic accident so i sent a card to his house that read sorry about your loss your kid seemed real nice and i got a card back that read thanks for your concern but our son is alive he has red hair and seems to know you from school the johnsons
miami
Paul: lyre that was the plot of that terrible eddie murphy movie "the adventures of pluto nash"
ok serious subject here
this is what eddie murphy needs: eddie murphy needs to be cast in a serious yet darkly funny movie that lets him do really subtle dramatic acting. a la bill murray's revitalization in rushmore
thats what eddie murphy needs
i told my coworker that just now and he said "didn't you see norbit"
me: Geez
that guy is crazy
Paul: DONT U AGREE THO
i wanna see eddie mature i don't wanna see him in fatsuits playing old black women pooting
me: why not
he has a great fart sound
you gotta admit it
you gotta BELIEVE
Paul: I BEE REEVE I CAN FRY

thats racist

paul: you haven't lived until you've fucked a box of candy joey
joey: WHO IS THIS GUY, WILLY WONKA?

also racist

me: i got a neat pair of these sweatpants with "JUICY" written on the ass
me: i was thinking tonight you and carlos could sit on the living room floor while i model them for you
Jeff: oooooooh can't make
Jeff: I have to eat scabs at eight thirty

jnwalrus: PAUL GET READY FOR THE BEST 6 MONTHS OF YOUR LIFE
jnwalrus: YOUR DRUNK DAD CAN'T FUCK THIS ONE UP

rbx6jm: [our boss] just said tommy lasorda softly as he walked by

paul at sonic: i can hear the announcers making small talk during the ga tech unlv intros
rbx6jm: HOW ABOUT THOSE PEEPEES AND WEEWEES DAN
paul at sonic: cbs' len elmore on the sidelines with coach slowly emerging turd
rbx6jm: FINAL BORE

Can someone get me one of those jobs where you get to IM your friends all day? My work days are marked by constant deadline pressure and the steady drumbeat of self-doubt. Can't your boss see what you're doing over the low cubicle wall? I'm not being critical, I just honestly don't understand how you guys make this work.

well, i work in a stuffy little room at the end of a hallway by myself. no one sees what i do. NO ONE. YOU GOT THAT?

mayes works out in the open but at our office no one really gives a fuck about anything.

i usually talk to jerff while he's at home.

joey i can't speak for but generally i can im him when he's at work and it seems safe.

the moral of the story? IMM

I work at night, and I don't IM then. So fuck you P-Nast. Racist.

everyone at my job is on aim constantly, usually for legitimate job purposes (but not me)

joeyatsnap: http://shop.mlb.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2626719
tonysquares: oh shit glare reducers

paul at sonic: hey whats the name of that place in dallas where they give you all that dope food and you sit with strangers
joeyatsnap: prison
paul at sonic: no its run by old ass white people
joeyatsnap: paul i think you're talking about prison

tonysquares: i don't have any ideas yet
tonysquares: but i like the idea
joeyatsnap: DO IT

paul at sonic: audrey heartburn
rbx6jm: painfully expensive for gboro
paul at sonic: fuck it
rbx6jm: urethra franklin

rbx6jm: do you get floaters nair
paul at sonic: mayes i'm not sure i want to answer this question

ghostroberto: what did she look like
tedwilliamshead: eh
ghostroberto: so did u hit it
tedwilliamshead: yeah bro

GIT GIT GIT OUT GIT

paul at sonic: whats worse, kissing a dog or a cat on the mouth
paul at sonic: my life really is terrible
rbx6jm: D:

Paul: maybe it was serena williams
did she have thighs strong and true
me: Uh, they were cast iron
I have no idea what I am saying
Paul: jeff you fucked a parking meter
me: PLEASE KILL ME

whoopi: :o
ted danson: ?

Me: A KNEE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
Whoopi: RAZCIST

paul at sonic: i wonder what ever happened to nada surf
rbx6jm: not POPULAR anymore
rbx6jm: if you catch my drift
paul at sonic: i'm afraid i do

paul at sonic (4:17:45 PM): hey there mayes
paul at sonic (4:47:02 PM): ayo mayes
paul at sonic (4:47:18 PM): oh you must be at the doctor
paul at sonic (4:47:22 PM): i get it now
paul at sonic (4:47:28 PM): but what if you're not
paul at sonic (4:47:37 PM): what if you're just ignoring me
paul at sonic (4:47:48 PM): how could you do this to a person?
paul at sonic (4:47:58 PM): jerff would never do this to me
paul at sonic (4:48:06 PM): he's cooking me a burger right now
paul at sonic (4:48:09 PM): i'm gonna eat it
paul at sonic (4:48:15 PM): gonna eat it all
paul at sonic (4:48:26 PM): you better believe i'm gonna eat that burger
paul at sonic (4:48:35 PM): gonna eat it and i'm gonna like it
paul at sonic (4:48:54 PM): cats can't appreciate a good hamburger
paul at sonic (5:03:42 PM): holy shit this burger is like a dream sandwich
paul at sonic (5:04:04 PM): you really don't know what you're missing here mayes
paul at sonic (5:04:06 PM): hey mayes
paul at sonic (5:05:44 PM): its really a deceptive burger
paul at sonic (5:06:05 PM): small in stature but a mouthful of flavor
paul at sonic (5:06:35 PM): i think he toasted the bun just right. crisp but still gives way with each bite
paul at sonic (5:07:17 PM): this sort of burger you don't even need fries with
paul at sonic (5:07:32 PM): fries are really an after thought
paul at sonic (5:08:10 PM): let me tell you something here mayes
paul at sonic (5:08:22 PM): its juicy but not overpoweringly so
paul at sonic (5:08:31 PM): the juices dribble in a controlled fashion
paul at sonic (5:09:20 PM): the burger could best be described as utilitarian
paul at sonic (5:09:30 PM): it gets the job done. one small burger and i'm full
paul at sonic (5:09:41 PM): i don't think i could eat pie at this point, for example
paul at sonic (5:09:48 PM): a nice soda pop would be good
paul at sonic (5:10:05 PM): but i'd hate to mask the smoky latent taste of the burger
paul at sonic (5:10:24 PM): straight from the source
paul at sonic (5:10:38 PM): "i made a rub with some spices, then marinated them in beer and steak sauce"
paul at sonic (5:10:46 PM): let's have a hand for jerff
paul at sonic (5:10:55 PM): fuck this is the worst day of my life

Me: Brett, eh?
I know him.
My sister knows him better than I do
Is he a vampire looking dude?
kathleenkelley: vampire? he was pretty clean cut i thought
i was drinking whiskey
who knows?
Me: I was just hoping he was a vampire is all

paul at sonic: would you be frightened if you went to a zoo and saw an animal called a Naircat
Bigteef100: if i just saw the animal?
paul at sonic: yeah it was just in a cage walking back and forth
Bigteef100: no. i would not be scared
Bigteef100: would it have a 5 o'clock shadow and be wearing a ratty sweater?
paul at sonic: ok you know
paul at sonic: i mean well

rbx6jm: u see mats game yasterday
rbx6jm: they hit the balls in the grass area
paul at sonic: i heard it was an explosion of runs
paul at sonic: just like when i got home from work
paul at sonic: i've said too much
rbx6jm: :[

me: Or I could beat the hell from you.
it's your choice, really...
sammy: or you could eat the bell from dude
eat the dell fondu
me: sweeten the gelatin brew
meet in the elephant room
greet the intelligence crew
sammy: skeet in the hella hot croon
me: sleep with the indelible groom
sammy: time for pooping
brb

rbx6jm: lullaby's
rbx6jm: would you go to a fast food place called lullaby's
rbx6jm: bad idea
rbx6jm: you have to lie on the ground in complete darkness whlie animals crawl all over you
rbx6jm: tom hanks pounding on the ceiling
rbx6jm: pleading
rbx6jm: good fries tho
paul at sonic: what kind of animals
rbx6jm: you cant see them it's too dark
rbx6jm: but they have a pleasant odor
paul at sonic: are they mammals?
rbx6jm: NAIR

rbx6jm: "His shit is so thick and so oddly shaped that he can't go and all his shit are piled up in his intestines all the way up to his chest."
paul at sonic: word for word exactly the same as your high school yearbook inscription
rbx6jm: nope
rbx6jm: "HIM shit is so thick and so oddly shaped that he can't go and all his shit are piled up in his intestines all the way up to his chest."
rbx6jm: minor detail

tonysquares: yeah A-ROD DOUBLE
dan1elthompson: i thought u somehow used adorable in that
tonysquares: lol
tonysquares: A-DOR OUBLE
tonysquares: right?
dan1elthompson: i think so

paul at sonic: would you let trick daddy kneel at ball level and rap to you
paul at sonic: he won't touch you
rbx6jm: D:
rbx6jm: enough of this nair


I BROKE MAYES WAT DO I WIN

Adam: what the hell does BBW stand for anyway?
Jennifer: big beautiful woman
Adam: oooooh
Adam: THAT'S UP MY ALLEY
Adam: WHERE DO I SIGN MA'AM
Adam: we're talking big like Mo'Nique and not big like...Daryl Hannah, right?
Adam: like across, not up
Jennifer: right. like lots of skin and flubber
Adam: thank goodness
Adam: I just like to get lost in a lady
Adam: just climb in and not be reached by phone or e-mail for two days minimum

Paul: hello there
how are you
would you like 1 TACO
if you would like 1 TACO please press "yes"
me: yayayayayaya
"yes"
Paul: we're sorry. 1 TACO is not available
me: DEARBLASTER
Paul: if you would like MOUSE DROPPINGS please press "yes"
me: "no"
"TACO NOW"
Paul: you have selected MAYES TEETH
me: gimme teeth

i got plenty

rbx6jm: wickmans on the dl by the by
15-day DL as of Apr 30, 2007 (Fat)
paul at sonic: are u serious
rbx6jm: duh
paul at sonic: i didn't know they could DL someone for being fat
how does david wells pitch
haha upper back strain
wickman is an old ass motherfucker
rbx6jm: u thought fat was serious
man o man
paul at sonic: got one past me mayes
rbx6jm: 15-day DL as of Apr 30, 2007 (WET BUTT WET BUTT WET BUTT W)
paul at sonic: i know how he feels
rbx6jm: D:

ha, that's funny.

BskowAtWork (1:01:45 PM): Hi Joey!!! Just saw you sign on and thought I'd brighten your day.
joeyatsnap (1:01:55 PM): uh oh something gay is going on
joeyatsnap (1:01:59 PM): i guess i better check omgtru
BskowAtWork (1:03:14 PM): nope, just my typical gayness
joeyatsnap (1:03:25 PM): you and paul both gave me super gay greetings at the same time
joeyatsnap (1:03:33 PM): this is some kind of conspiracy
BskowAtWork (1:04:34 PM): nope, just being gay, joey. no conspiracy...just a gaywincidence

what can i say, it's gay day. sort of like dre day but g

paul at sonic: would you lick rhea pearlman's butt for $600,000
paul at sonic: heavily taxed
paul at sonic: and she's crapping while it happens
paul at sonic: and devito is screaming in your ear to stop
paul at sonic: and his kids are on fire
paul at sonic: and i'm 9000 ft tall and peeing on the world
paul at sonic: and you're on fire too
rbx6jm: yes
paul at sonic: sweet
rbx6jm: dream come true
paul at sonic: that's very sweet of you, mayes

paul at sonic: i had a dream that the dad from the jetsons was sitting on a sofa with no pants and enormous testicles
paul at sonic: young jeezy blaring
rbx6jm: :(
paul at sonic: he was watching footage of 9/11 on a microwave screen
paul at sonic: what does it all meat

idonthaveoneofth: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Bqhuu2H0ADs&mode=related&search=
idonthaveoneofth: this was military school for me.
idonthaveoneofth: no shit
paul at sonic: so military school for you was dreaming up homoerotic springsteen-esque concerts starring you singing about breakfast cereal
paul at sonic: makes sense
idonthaveoneofth: why u mean
paul at sonic: sorry it was just too easy
idonthaveoneofth: I WAS SO YOUNG
idonthaveoneofth: AND SASSY
paul at sonic: THERE ARE NO WOMEN IN THAT AUDIENCE
paul at sonic: THAT SUGAR CRISP BEAR ENJOYS THE COMPANY OF MALES
idonthaveoneofth: Yeah. It's a gay cereal
paul at sonic: now honey comb
paul at sonic: that was the cereal for young men who like to finger bang chicks in tree houses
paul at sonic: myself i was a quaker oat squares sort of lad
idonthaveoneofth: That was the cereal where you finger cuffed dudes right?
paul at sonic: cuffed BLACK dudes jeff
idonthaveoneofth: I like Captain Cr... uh gettin pussy brand cereal
idonthaveoneofth: fiercely hetero
paul at sonic: there is no right answer
paul at sonic: gettin pussy brand cereal comes in a glitter covered box, and the box is full of pink slime
paul at sonic: there is no god
idonthaveoneofth: DEAR CHIST, HOW DID YOU REMEMBER SO WELL

to be fair that commercial captured military school pretty accurately.

I would know

paul at sonic: FUCKY O'NAIRE
rbx6jm: yayayya
paul at sonic: COMIN TO COP A FEEL ON THE LADDIEZ
paul at sonic: i mean ladies
rbx6jm: laddie
rbx6jm: D:

idonthaveoneofth: MAYES
rbx6jm: ya
idonthaveoneofth: sup
rbx6jm: brd
idonthaveoneofth: ya
idonthaveoneofth: gotta go to work soon
idonthaveoneofth: BALLS
rbx6jm: fukk
idonthaveoneofth: TRU
idonthaveoneofth: This is the best conversation we've ever had
rbx6jm: def

paul at sonic: kit kats rising from the hudson towering over the skyline
paul at sonic: shit monster rides the subway
paul at sonic: it lives
rbx6jm: ok
paul at sonic: that poem was called shit monster rides the subway
paul at sonic: thank you
paul at sonic: thank you
rbx6jm: i c

paul at sonic: let me tell you that mayes: good driver
idonthaveoneofth: What of his diving abilities, Paul?
paul at sonic: he dove to the bottom of my heart
idonthaveoneofth: GAY SHIT
idonthaveoneofth: SHOTS FIRED
idonthaveoneofth: PAUL'S ASS VIRGINITY IS DOWN

[11:23] joeyatsnap: PAUL
[11:23] joeyatsnap: BURGERCON
[11:23] joeyatsnap: CHALLENGE
[11:23] paul at sonic: wheres that
[11:23] joeyatsnap: BURGERCON
[11:23] paul at sonic: whats that
[11:24] joeyatsnap: paul are you retarded
[11:24] joeyatsnap: http://omgtru.com/thread/332
[11:25] paul at sonic: i politely decline the challenge
[11:25] joeyatsnap: PAUL
[11:25] joeyatsnap: IS ME, BIG PAPI
[11:25] joeyatsnap: HOWA YOU GUN DECLINE BURGACON CHALLEN
[11:26] paul at sonic: HE'S GOT A GUN LOOK OUT
[11:28] joeyatsnap: PAUL IS JUST ME, BIG PAPI
[11:29] joeyatsnap: YOU WANNA GEH SUH BURGAS PAUW
[11:29] joeyatsnap: IS A BURGACAW CHALLEN
[11:31] joeyatsnap: PAUW YOU WANNA SUH TICKETS TO DE REDASOX
[11:31] joeyatsnap: PAUW
[11:31] joeyatsnap: IS ME, BIG PAPI
[11:32] joeyatsnap: PAUW YOU WAN MEET MANNY
[11:33] joeyatsnap: DAT MANNY CRA ME UP PAUW
[11:33] paul at sonic: i hate the red sox
[11:33] joeyatsnap: OH PAUW DAS TOO BAD PAUW
[11:34] joeyatsnap: IS ME, BIG PAPI

i seriously think that last IM highlight is the single funniest piece of written text i have ever read in my life.

BskowAtWork (6:26:41 PM): you still there? i just did something EXTREMELY embarrassing
paul at sonic (6:26:47 PM): uh oh what did u do
BskowAtWork (6:27:28 PM): so, i saw something on gawker about how there's gonna be a yard sale in LIC for a bunch of props and set dressings from the Sopranos
BskowAtWork (6:27:48 PM): and knowing that i work with a bunch of sopranos fans, i was going to send them the link
paul at sonic (6:27:59 PM): uh oh this is scary sounding
BskowAtWork (6:28:08 PM): but the actual story was on a different site that gawker linked to
BskowAtWork (6:28:21 PM): so i sent out that link to lw-staff, which is my whole company
paul at sonic (6:28:27 PM): oh shit what story was it
BskowAtWork (6:28:37 PM): no the story was legit
BskowAtWork (6:29:11 PM): but immediately afterwards i realized it came from the
BskowAtWork (6:29:30 PM): "gay pop culture, news and clues, served fresh daily" blog
BskowAtWork (6:30:02 PM): so i sent everyone in my company a link to a gay blog
BskowAtWork (6:30:15 PM): that I apparently thought was good enough to pass along
paul at sonic (6:30:35 PM): haha
BskowAtWork (6:30:52 PM): MY WHOLE COMPANY, PAUL!
paul at sonic (6:30:53 PM): well it could be worse, i was worried that you'd accidentally pasted the link to the jeff wanted poster
paul at sonic (6:31:10 PM): you're just going to have to send the whole company a link to some nice hetero porn
paul at sonic (6:31:14 PM): to set the record straight
BskowAtWork (6:31:42 PM): i sent a lame email afterward trying to backtrack a little, but i think the damage is done
BskowAtWork (6:32:10 PM): i was like, "umm...that story was linked by something else I was reading. I...um...didn't realize it was a gay blog."
paul at sonic (6:32:16 PM): lol
BskowAtWork (6:32:37 PM): i'm sure my CEO will enjoy

two step flow (9:28:39 PM): HEY
two step flow (9:28:40 PM): HAY
two step flow (9:28:42 PM): HEY
two step flow (9:28:45 PM): hey
jnwalrus (9:28:49 PM): HORE
two step flow (9:28:55 PM): : {
two step flow (9:29:00 PM): u didn't mean that
jnwalrus (9:29:17 PM): oh hey
two step flow (9:29:25 PM): : }
two step flow (9:29:27 PM): HAY
two step flow (9:29:38 PM): joey i've been thinking it over and i'm going to commit suicide

yall's a bunch of fagets

:(

waht does tru stand for anyways? i mean i get omg i guess that mean o my god. but tru? myabe im at the wrong websi.

no you're in the right place

paul at sonic (10:46:16 AM): yo so get this
paul at sonic (10:46:22 AM): so i wake up bright and early today
paul at sonic (10:46:27 AM): 8:45 am
paul at sonic (10:46:36 AM): get ready, get me laundry together, leave house by 9
paul at sonic (10:46:43 AM): walk to drop off laundry
paul at sonic (10:47:00 AM): at laundromat mexican lady pointing to my laundry bag and saying what sounds like "eems"
paul at sonic (10:47:04 AM): over and over
paul at sonic (10:47:33 AM): so i say "en espanol por favor" and then bumble over words after finally figuring out that she's asking me if there are just clothes in there or also blankets
paul at sonic (10:47:52 AM): so we stand there both kind of embarrassed, her because her english isn't great and me because i can't speak spanish for shit
paul at sonic (10:48:02 AM): so i get on the train, perfect on time for work
paul at sonic (10:48:06 AM): then the cops call me
paul at sonic (10:48:09 AM): automated message
paul at sonic (10:48:43 AM): so i hop off the train cuz i can't hear. and it's all press 1 to confirm your name press 2 for such and such and i'm thinking shit maybe they've dropped the charges and its telling me i don't have to go on monday
paul at sonic (10:48:44 AM): nope
paul at sonic (10:48:50 AM): so then i'm stuck at 39th ave
paul at sonic (10:48:52 AM): waiting
paul at sonic (10:48:55 AM): and i step in gum
paul at sonic (10:49:07 AM): and then a guy almost hits me with his bike on 5th ave
paul at sonic (10:49:10 AM): i'm tellin u mayes
paul at sonic (10:49:12 AM): end times
paul at sonic (10:49:24 AM): and to top it all off, i had a dream last night that i brutally beat joakim noah
paul at sonic (10:49:29 AM): i mean seriously fucked him up
rbx6jm (10:49:30 AM): eems

rbx6jm: im gonna get my arms sleeved with tgif characters tonite
rbx6jm: wish me bad luck
paul at sonic: just the letters T G I and F?
rbx6jm: NO
rbx6jm: peple
rbx6jm: possibly a section for capitol critters
paul at sonic: just get jodie sweetin circa 1992 right at your shoulder, with the knob of your shoulder as her butt, right, so that her torso is spread onto your shoulder blade and her legs sort of come down towards your armpit and then have turds just falling out of her butthole all the way down your arm to your wrist
paul at sonic: and then have her saying "HOW RUDE" in gothic letters in a speech bubble on your back
rbx6jm: :(

user guest_ has entered room
analyst Laura has entered room

Laura: Hello guest_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Laura. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Laura: Hi how are you today?
guest_: hi?
guest_: i'm not sure why i was sent here
guest_: i was completing my order for new service and it just sent me to this page
guest_: any ideas?
Laura: I see what you had ordered for the first time once we enter the chatroom together. I verify the information on your order, create the account and set up the installation date and time with you, thank you for your patience at this time.
guest_: oh cool
Laura: At this time the previous resident has not closed their account. To update our billing system with the correct information,and to close the old account, we will need you to come in with proof of address, such as a copy of the lease or title, to prevent this previous resident's account history being transferred to your name.
guest_: well i live in los angeles right now, is it possible to fax you a copy of the lease?
Laura: No unfortunatly they will not except that.
guest_: ok well i'm going to be working from home and need an internet connection as soon as i move in, what can i do?
Laura: Please call our 1-800-COMCAST
Laura: Do you have any other questions for me today?
guest_: uh
guest_: no, you've been extremely helpful
guest_: this is working out great

this happened to me too in davis. we had to go down to comcast, and they said they didn't have any of our information and that they never heard of any of the deals we wanted. we ended up getting a shitty package, but then called comcast and got the cheap deals.

yeah i called 1-800-COMCAST and boy hooked it up with no problems. i gave laura bad marks on the customer survey tho

also imagine a 5 minute pause between every time i asked a question and her response

ps laura's really indian

ps laura's really HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

(prob)

that's racist mayes! : )

i meant "woo woo" indian

they fuckin play that woo WOOO sound 9 billion times an inning over the pa system at greensboro grasshoppers games. the crowd chants along and i know they have no idea where it's from

The whistles, they go woo.

godimsickofthis (3:18:53 PM): come play wii baseball
idonthaveoneofth (3:19:49 PM): Gotta go pick out a sofa. GUAY.
godimsickofthis (3:19:55 PM): i hate your lack of friendshi
idonthaveoneofth (3:20:12 PM): You mean friendshii?
godimsickofthis (3:20:22 PM): why don't you ever wanna ha
idonthaveoneofth (3:20:25 PM): God, strike me down for that one.
idonthaveoneofth (3:20:37 PM): It's a dis
idonthaveoneofth (3:20:45 PM): I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LO
godimsickofthis (3:20:54 PM): OBIOUSLY NOT, YOU SON OF A BI

[10:07] joeyatsnap: paul if the san diego padres made all their players take an art class, would you model nude for $100
[10:07] paul at sonic: hmmm
[10:07] paul at sonic: no
[10:08] joeyatsnap: what if khalil green gave you his portrait of you as a gift
[10:09] paul at sonic: i'd rather have an oil painting of khalil green
[10:10] joeyatsnap: you could keep greg maddux's painting of khalil green, but it's acrylic
[10:10] paul at sonic: i guess that's alright

paul at sonic: wasn't it awesome that we had all that sex and you're so into me and want to give me lots of money
WHITEjessalbaPWR: hehe ya

who is WHITEjessalbaPWR and how did you meet him?

Bubb Rubb

lookin for that woo woo

The whistles do that, Paul. Not men's assholes.

joeyatsnap: YOOOOUK
joeyatsnap: youk has been inducted into the bill hall of fame
idonthaveoneofth: YOOOUUUUUUUKKKK
idonthaveoneofth: That is awesome
idonthaveoneofth: Juan Pierre is in I hope
joeyatsnap: no he is not
idonthaveoneofth: 1st ballot, I say


idonthaveoneofth: Let's beat up Paul
joeyatsnap: ok
idonthaveoneofth: Soon
joeyatsnap: i'm good now if u want
idonthaveoneofth: Nah, i just ate. Need a quick nap then POW

catch me if you can NIGGAS

two step flow: WHERE JERFF
two step flow: WHERE MAYES
two step flow: PAUL SCARED
two step flow: PAUL ALONE
two step flow: PAUL DRINK

two step flow disconnected

: D

[12:33] paul at sonic: knock knock
[12:33] Bigteef100: :|
[12:34] Bigteef100: whos there?
[12:34] paul at sonic: sexual deviant
[12:34] paul at sonic: black man
[12:34] paul at sonic: pushes past you to your wife
[12:34] paul at sonic: livign hell
[12:34] paul at sonic: cuts the phone cord
[12:34] paul at sonic: man no one likes my knock knock jokes

rbx6jm: you go home and theres a stack of menus about yay high from "NAIR CATS, INC" do you call the number on the back
paulatsonic: of course
rbx6jm: the menu is completely blank save for a crudely drawn nude picture of alfonso ribero
rbx6jm: bad idea
rbx6jm: the yellow man drive up slowly
rbx6jm: pulls out a tshirt cannon and shoots houston rockets conference champions 1997 shirts at jarfs window for 4 hours
rbx6jm: pancreas explodes

paul at sonic: we are completely insane
idonthaveoneofth: you are
paul at sonic (5:00:35 PM): you are, mouse breath
idonthaveoneofth: Shut up, whisker dick
paul at sonic: WHO TOLD YOU
idonthaveoneofth: I just knew

[13:15] rbx6jm: MYKE JONED
[13:15] paul at sonic: wonder what he's up to today
[13:16] paul at sonic: probably enjoying a light lunch
[13:16] rbx6jm: screaming his name in agony
[13:16] paul at sonic: or that

[19:06] rbx6jm:
[19:07] paul at sonic: he can't believe its nut butter
[19:07] rbx6jm: :[
[19:07] paul at sonic: hahahaha that was completely unintentional
[19:07] rbx6jm: ya rite
[19:07] paul at sonic: thumbs
[19:07] paul at sonic: typo

rbx6jm: is it wrong to poop 7 times in one day
rbx6jm: and i mean poop
idonthaveoneofth: NEVNER
rbx6jm: alright then
idonthaveoneofth: NEVIN COSTNER
rbx6jm: aaron nevin
idonthaveoneofth: Nevin Campbell
rbx6jm: match over
idonthaveoneofth: Nevan Williams
idonthaveoneofth: oh, sorr

[18:19] paul at sonic: i think i could seriously portray john goodman accurately in a biopic
[18:20] rbx6jm: AMERICA RUNS ON RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
[18:21] paul at sonic: robots
[18:21] paul at sonic: will you help us film a john goodman biopic this weekend
[18:21] paul at sonic: i am going to get really drunk and try to find a brown curly haired wig
[18:21] rbx6jm: i thought you said i was giving him a biopsy
[18:22] paul at sonic: most of it will be set during the roseanne era
[18:22] paul at sonic: there will be a lot of slow motion turns to the camera as i say "darlene?"


guys i seriously would like to do this, can we do this?

[12:10] rbx6jm: you should pose as the son of a celebrity to get free food/lodging
[12:11] rbx6jm: six degrees of lerneration
[12:12] paul at sonic: my options are pretty limited
[12:12] paul at sonic: ron jeremy
[12:12] paul at sonic: jon lovitz
[12:12] paul at sonic: christian bale
[12:12] rbx6jm: tiny tim
[12:12] rbx6jm: D:
[12:13] paul at sonic: lexington steele
[12:13] rbx6jm: who dat
[12:13] paul at sonic: look him up
[12:13] rbx6jm: remington st
[12:13] paul at sonic: i suggest google image search
[12:13] paul at sonic: be sure to turn your monitor towards kem
[12:13] rbx6jm: i'm very disappointed in you nair
[12:13] paul at sonic: who isn't

rbx6jm: i bert
rbx6jm: gentle dinosaur
paul at sonic: u've had that dream where bert and ernie are slowly burning alive and the emergency broadcast system tone is playing full volume
rbx6jm:
paul at sonic: thats the one
paul at sonic: vin diesel sure does look weird

[17:10] paul at sonic: mm tacos
[17:10] paul at sonic: don't mind if i do
[17:10] paul at sonic: *BARFS*
[17:11] paul at sonic: ooh barfed on your tacos
[17:11] paul at sonic: sorry bud
[17:11] paul at sonic: *time machine*
[17:13] *** "idonthaveoneofth" signed off at Tue Aug 07 17:13:14 2007.

[11:15] paul at sonic: good morning jared
[11:15] paul at sonic: i'm sorry
[11:15] paul at sonic: there was supposed to be an exclamation point there
[11:16] paul at sonic: i'll begin again
[11:16] paul at sonic: good morning jared@
[11:16] paul at sonic: oh
[11:16] paul at sonic: i fucked it up again
[11:16] paul at sonic: ok take 3
[11:16] paul at sonic: goo morning jard!
[11:16] paul at sonic: shit
[11:16] paul at sonic: i'm just no good at this
[11:16] paul at sonic: i understand if you never want to speak to me again
[11:16] paul at sonic: i'll just go now
[11:16] Bigteef100: ok. catch you later

[14:59] paul at sonic: i'd smoke with kolber
[14:59] paul at sonic: SMOKE SOME POLE
[14:59] paul at sonic: wait that didn't
[15:00] paul at sonic: thats not what i me
[15:00] rbx6jm: ya thats confusing there
[15:00] paul at sonic: no see what i eman
[15:00] paul at sonic: she
[15:00] paul at sonic: not me
[15:00] paul at sonic: but me
[15:00] paul at sonic: u know
[15:00] paul at sonic: i gotta go
[15:00] rbx6jm: no
[15:00] rbx6jm: pok

kathleen: dude
me: partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partyparty

me: partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty

me: partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
kathleen: oh my god
party
me: TOTALLY
partypartypartyparty partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartyparty
kathleen: i am a little nervous
about the party
me: Whysat
partypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartypartyparty
partypartypartypartyparty?
kathleen: i think it might become a giant party
me: PARTYPARTYPARTY
PARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTY
Like that?
kathleen: yeah
capital letters
me: Holy shit, dude. ALL CAPS
I'M SHOUTING.
PARTYPARTY
WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Stan: josh beckett nucka
me: YA SON
me: Motherfucker was ON. I could even spell it OWN.
Stan: he's ridiculous in the postseason
me: GODALMIGHTYDAMN, that mufuckah can throw a damn ball
Stan: ISAIDGAAWDDDAMSTERDAM
me: WITNESS PREACH THE GOSPEL TO THE GAWDIENCE
TAKE THIS MAN AWAY ON THE GAWDAMBULANCE
Stan: holy shit rockies

me: so much poop
jesus
i'm dying
of poop
and working
so much working
can't stop won't stop
working and pooping, that is
I AM A BEAR
BEARS DON'T WORK
THEY FUCK AND EAT AND SLEEP THROUGH THE COLD
I WANT TO FUCK AND EAT AND SLEEP THROUGH THE COLD
I WANT TO FEAST ON THE BLOODY CARCASS OF A SLOW-FOOTED DEER
I WILL DESTROY

sammy: eyes can't poo yeast on he buddy car crash of a low putted beer

rbx6jm: alright work time
rbx6jm: [boss man] wants to have a frank conversation with you
rbx6jm: typo
rbx6jm: he wants you to convert some francs for him
rbx6jm: TOUTE
rbx6jm: DE
rbx6jm: SUITE
paul at sonic: omg live in the now mayeeeees
paul at sonic: francs are HISTORY
paul at sonic: EVERYONES DOIN IT ERUO STYLE
rbx6jm: francis histrionix
rbx6jm: my euro rap name
paul at sonic: neon green poodle under one arm
paul at sonic: smiling man as hype man
rbx6jm: mistakenly joining the hyphen revolution instead of the hyphy
paul at sonic: mercilessly stomped out by e-40
paul at sonic: as paris burns
rbx6jm: paris hilton burns a phhhhhhhhhhhhat
rbx6jm: got nothin
rbx6jm: PHAT BUNT

paul at sonic: would you let a large animatronic snoopy simulate raping you for cash and prizes
paul at sonic: it only lasts 45 minutes
paul at sonic: but its very realistic
rbx6jm: yes
paul at sonic: goudy move
paul at sonic: the cpu catches fire after six thrusts
paul at sonic: disfiguring the snoopy
paul at sonic: you remain unscathed
paul at sonic: but i'm afraid this voids the payout
rbx6jm: i did it for the experience
rbx6jm: +3
rbx6jm: level up
rbx6jm: gained +99 cloak of regret

whatsupjoey: remember that fake music video those kids made for "movin' out"
tonysquares disconnected

lol that would've been a really good convo starter

;(

drsteviez (2:10:31 PM): sara came up to me at Lenny's and sort of mumbled, "do you have a quarter?"
drsteviez (2:10:44 PM): i could have sworn she said "do i look like a whore"?
drsteviez (2:10:52 PM): luckily my answer was the same
BskowAtWork (2:11:01 PM): yeah

BskowAtWork: can't make any guarantees, but i can vouch for you. if you get an interview, that's where it's on you to knock their socks off
idonthaveoneofth: of course. I'm a good interviewer.
idonthaveoneofth: (blowjobs)
BskowAtWork: yeah def. like i said, i got hired.
BskowAtWork: wasn't for no reason, if you know what i mean
BskowAtWork: (blowjobs)
idonthaveoneofth: Oh, I know what you mean
idonthaveoneofth: (blowjobs)

BskowAtWork: i mean, there are a lot of people that try to bullshit knowing a whole bunch, and i think it goes much further if you're up front about what you know, but also what you don't
idonthaveoneofth: I completely agree.
BskowAtWork: but i said i thought you'd fit in really well culture-wise
idonthaveoneofth: It's not as if I am a person that can't learn new things.
idonthaveoneofth: I'll kill the job if I get it.
BskowAtWork: and that i thought you were intelligent, a good writer, and a good speaker
idonthaveoneofth: Really gut it in front of its family, you know?
BskowAtWork: yeah

paul: dude my hs had the ugliest girls in the city
paul: i can count on two hands the number of girls who were hot
paul: and then i'd go wait outside riverside high for my friend after school and it was like boner city
whatsupjoey: i went to boner city high
whatsupjoey: the football team was horrible
whatsupjoey: good art department tho
paul: i blame coach ballsnshaft
whatsupjoey: he did the best with what he had
paul: omg boner city has the highest property taxes in the entire state
whatsupjoey: ya
whatsupjoey: and the highest unemployment
whatsupjoey: and infant mortality rate
paul: its truly an awful place to live
paul: my grandfather worked for boner city transit
paul: back when the electric company owned it
whatsupjoey: oh yeah
whatsupjoey: was he involved in that massive collision
paul: it was a series of repeated collisions oddly enough
paul: i beat a dog to death last night joey

paul: fellow bats give me pizza
me: you a pizza bird
paul: pizza falcon
me: http://www.brooklynparrots.com/uploaded_images/pizza_tough_crust-796223.jpg
close enough
paul: exquisite taste

drsteviez (3:04:48 PM): http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bullwinkle+surprise
drsteviez (3:05:05 PM): #2
drsteviez (3:05:09 PM): #1 got it wrong
BskowAtWork (3:12:04 PM): http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bullwinkle
BskowAtWork (3:12:12 PM): i think #2 is the best definition

staaaaaaan: i was thinking about making a reservation for 8ish to be safe
me: Down.
staaaaaaan: though i have to call them to see about pork butt availability
me: THAT'S RIGHT YOU DO

me: I'm going to fuck women, I don't care what David Stern says.
paul: ok stern is getting furious

me: How 'bout that John McC(l)ain?
staaaaaaan: yippee ki yay motherhucker

me: I feel weird for some reason
paulatsonic: i'm manu ginobli
me: sup dude
I like your basketball abilities
paulatsonic: hola
i am from argentina
i play the basket for the san antonio spuir
me: but I hate the euro style of foul-taking
paulatsonic: i like chicken
in spanish we say pollo
san antonio make oyu af ghciekn
wooosh
me: don't come at me with that shit, euro
paulatsonic: say what

kathleen: [Moment of Truth] is the scourge of society, and i'm obsessed tonight
people are so crazy and secretive and live these weird livs
me: True. And what's more they are GREEEDY.
kathleen: greedy and liars
it is crazy and amazing and like watching a train wreck
me: or a bloated whale lap onto shore admidst tiny waves of its skin baking in the mid-summer sun.
kathleen: haha yes

Paul: i mean in terms of good tits i've seen in the past 10 years, they may have been top five dude

Rob: its ridiculous

Rob: wow

Paul: yeah

Paul: my boner came loose from my body and flew up and west out over the hudson

Rob: nice

me: Ugh-- there's so much talk on baseball tonight that the Red Sox-Jays pitcher's duel got 30 seconds of highlights.
fucking ESPN
limeycornelius61: talking: television's biggest enemy
me: tru
limeycornelius61: highlights shows and such should be just that
limeycornelius61: none of this "orestes destrade talks about splitfinger pitches and the art of swinging a bat"
or
"john kruk muses on baseball stadia cuisine"
JUST SHOW ME SOME GAMES, ASSHOLES. IT'S WHAT YOU'RE PAID TO DO
me: "George Lopez eats out my asshole on live pay-per-view television"
NO SIR
GIMME HIGHLIGHTS OR GIMME DEATH
limeycornelius61: wow

[15:07] Bigteef100: so paul
[15:08] paul at sonic: icked her in the stomach and hopefully that did it, otherwise i gotta use my credit card at the doc's
[15:08] paul at sonic: sorry jared wrong window
[15:08] paul at sonic: wasup
[15:08] Bigteef100: plantains are full of sleeping pills. they made a genetic variant of it about 7 years ago.

whatsupjoey (5:59:22 PM): 4-4 tie was pretty anticlimactic
BskowAtWork (6:04:50 PM): just like most things i'm involved with
BskowAtWork (6:04:54 PM): including your mother
whatsupjoey (6:05:11 PM): yeah my mom is really anticlimactic
BskowAtWork (6:05:30 PM): tell me about it.
BskowAtWork (6:22:58 PM): you know what else will be anticlimactic?
whatsupjoey (6:23:10 PM): the rest of our lives
BskowAtWork (6:23:50 PM): when i post this chat in IM highlights
whatsupjoey (6:24:07 PM): i guess that technically will be part of the rest of our lives
BskowAtWork (6:24:21 PM): tru

me: that kolby byron is a good basketballer
whatsupjoey: the who now
me: he plays for the l.a. lakes
they're playing the texas spurts now
whatsupjoey: is this cricket

idonthaveoneofth: Where is Belmont, anyway?
I always get confused
confounded horses
I once lanced a horse in Cambodia.
It was for food, but I gotta say, my bloodlust level was high
The horse hated it
he was all pissed and wouldn't come hang out for drinks afterward
might've been a she
no idea-- I was just lancing on sight
you know?
Megan: i just want to drink during the day and shout "PONY!"
me: respectable

me: WAT IT DO
Chris: at work doggy, headed to the beer garden soon for brandi's friends b-day thing, then who knows.
what it is with you
me: workbots, but then maybe rock if I don't go sleepybirds
I WILL CALL THEE UPON THE NIGHT'S GROWTH
FARE THEE WELL GENTLE TIGER
MINE THINE ROAR PIERCE THE NIGHT WITH APLOMB
Chris: (fart noise)
Chris is busy. You may be interrupting.

whatsupjoey: jarf i have a real life
me: no you don't
whatsupjoey: fuck

paul: arsenio hall in obvious pain
me: sounds good

joey: paul
joey: what if i gave you the opportunity to marry one of the most beautiful actresses in hollywood
joey: but you don't get to know who it is beforehand
joey: but trust me she's beautiful
paul: well i'd like to meet her beforehand you know just to see if we get along
joey: sorry that's not possible
joey: but she is beautiful and wealthy
joey: you will get along great
joey: indians are used too arranged marriages right
joey: used to
paul: well i mean i guess if she's beautiful and wealthy
paul: you know we might just get along
paul: so yeah ok i'm down
joey: congratulations, mr. rhea perlman
paul: ok first of all
paul: she's already married
paul: secondly
joey: things have been rocky lately
paul: whose standard of beautiful are we abiding by
joey: eye of the beholder

me: dying
breathing lab ored
halp
in den
whhhhhhhhhhhhh
paul: what's the address? ok in the den, breathing is labored. did you have any chicken sandwiches in the last hour sir?
me: yaya
one
hhhhhhhhhhh
paul: sir i need you to answer this question, it's very important for the medics
ok one chicken sandwich
please stay on the line
me: halp
whhhhhh
paul: [10-44 BRTHING LABORED - DEN - MALE JARF - CODE 3]
sir someone will be there shortly
stay on the line
me: snat
palubats
paul: FORSAKEN HOUSE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HOSPITALS Dear Jarf LIngnshaosuahglian, Our records indicate that on July 7, 2008, you received emergency treatment for LABORED BRTHNG-CHKN SANDWCH. You have a past due balance of $39120.00 for the following services rendered: 1) MEDIC ASST 2) SANDWCH DEMOLITION 3) BRTHNG ASST. You have two (2) hours to submit payment. Amount due is payable in 1) Chicken Sandwiches 2) Arnold Palmers at your nearest FH DHH office. Our records indicate your nearest office is located at: PAULS ROOM. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Failure to pay past due balance can result in being smacked with an envelope.

paul: i got into a bad habit last week of going to my favorite bar every night after work
paul: i need to cut that out
paul: but i feel so comfortable there
joey: norm peternair
paul: bullet riddled postal uniform
paul: oh wait that was cliff
paul: hey let's be real joey, in 1982 i would have smashed shelley long
joey: oh no doubt
joey: if we're gonna be really honest, you woudl have smashed rhea perlman
joey: i guess that's where your love affair started

whatsupjoey: jar
me: the girl we went out and she made the funtimes
I yelln
whatsupjoey: oh you and paul had a nice evening
me: he is so womanl--HEY
NOT COOL

me: why do you hate me?
godimsickofthis: i don't dummy
me: YOU YELLIN
godimsickofthis: NOT TRÜ
me: No, wait, I'm yellin
godimsickofthis: NOW I AM FUCKHOLE
me: shit, I've been looking at this thing all wrong
godimsickofthis: i hate you

staaaaaaan: Organizers of the Beijing Olympics have set up a sex-determination laboratory to evaluate “suspect” female athletes, the official Chinese news agency Xinhua reported Sunday
nice.
me: I hope someone plays Sade's "Cool Operator when they search bitches
staaaaaaan: At first, women were asked to parade nude before a panel of doctors to verify their sex. At the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City, officials switched to a chromosomal test.

The tests never unmasked a man posing as a woman, but they did turn up several athletes who were born with genetic defects that made them appear — according to lab results, at least — to be men. In 1967, the Polish sprinter Ewa Klobukowska was barred from the sport because she failed the chromosomal test, even though she had passed the nude test a year earlier.
me: COOOOOOOOOL OPERRRRATAAAAAHHHHH
staaaaaaan: hahah

[16:19] paul at sonic: god i can't believe i just called you jon
[16:19] paul at sonic: wtf is happening to me
[16:19] rbx6jm: the long process
[16:19] rbx6jm: begins
[16:19] paul at sonic: i said the same thing in the shitter last night

[18:04] paul at sonic: ok joey no more violence on bonds' daughter in fact no more violence at all
[18:04] paul at sonic: would you bang janet jackson for 180,000 bucks, emz is fine with it, we're all fine with it, janet is REALLY fine with it
[18:05] whatsupjoey: sure
[18:05] whatsupjoey: wardrobe malfu
[18:05] paul at sonic: ok great, you have to meet her at the airport marriott
[18:05] paul at sonic: ok the room is secured so you can't leave until the act is over
[18:05] paul at sonic: oh man
[18:05] paul at sonic: oh no
[18:05] paul at sonic: it's michael
[18:05] paul at sonic: i TOLD them janet
[18:05] paul at sonic: i told them twice on the phone
[18:06] paul at sonic: fuck
[18:06] paul at sonic: ok well
[18:06] paul at sonic: i mean it'll go quick joey
[18:06] whatsupjoey: oh god
[18:06] whatsupjoey: no paul
[18:06] paul at sonic: just think about janet
[18:06] paul at sonic: joey the door's locked
[18:06] whatsupjoey: no paul
[18:06] whatsupjoey: no paul
[18:06] paul at sonic: i can't unlock the door
[18:06] whatsupjoey: no p
[18:06] paul at sonic: HE'S PRESENTING
[18:06] paul at sonic: joey quickly
[18:06] whatsupjoey: N O PAUL