A Dad tries to push a stroller up stairs which, not surprisingly, doesn't work

They consider "lollipop tree" a game. Lollipop tree involves using complex strategies to pick a dumdum off a cardboard tree.

I send Burton into the sweaty farty hallway to play lollipop tree with his daughter again.

My son is suddenly crying after trying to chew up a paper airplane. You got no teeth bro, it's not gonna work.

While in the bathroom washing layers of cotton candy off Veronica's face a girl repeatedly explains to me she doesn't know where the soap in the bathroom is because "I haven't been here in 2 years because I'm in middle school and almost high school". Too bad I found the soap and I went here never WUT UP NOW

Evie wins a cube that explains emoticons. ((((H)))) means big hug, you guys. What's the emoticon for shitty carnival prize?

Veronica (age 4) shoots better baskets than Burton (age 34).

~@~ is the emoticon for shitty carnival prize.

actually it's just poop.

children are terrifying

((((H)))), Paul.

~@~, Paul.